Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
