I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
