i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
