Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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