As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
