Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
