GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
