so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
