sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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