bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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