i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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