He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
