when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
