So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
