a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my being single is dangerous.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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