What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
