I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
