Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Soap is not a condiment
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
