I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
