Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I need moral support for this bender
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
