Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
