My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
