I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
