Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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