I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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