im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
