Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
