Me too!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
