I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
