Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
