and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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