i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
