Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
