i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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