Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
