I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
