So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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