I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
