We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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