thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
