I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
