I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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