Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
