textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you had me at cake vodka
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
