Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
