wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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