I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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