Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
