i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
