i just sent this text using only my big toe
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
