Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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