I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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