so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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