Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
